?> Letting go

A memory. A moment. An end. A beginning.

Four years ago, June 2009, the day I started wandering around the world.


I was standing on the platform, trapped between the past and the future. The no man’s land, between my hometown and the rest of the world. 

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and felt the anxiety. Behind me was laying what I could always count on. Behind me was the eternal love only parents can give to a child. Another deep breath. “What am I thinking? No, stop thinking. What am I feeling? Why is this world taking hold of me?” I thought. I looked up at the red train, ready for departure. It didn’t just contain fellow travelers, suitcases and endless windows. I could feel the energy of freedom and the unknown. Those little particles that were pulling me towards the doors, and at the same time making me squeeze my mums hand a little tighter. 

Our tears were melting together while I took in her scent, the one thing I would always carry with me. The untouchable most precious thing that contained the feelings, visions and intensity of childhood memories. I slowly let go of her familiar body and turned to my dad. Feeling a strong grip taking hold of me. The same emotions without words or tears. 

I grabbed my backpack, walked out of the no man’s land and stepped into the train. There was no turning back now. I saved the memory of their waving arms like a picture in my head. Where it would be safe. A little place where I would always be able to find it. 

I slowly started moving forward, and kept looking out of the window long after their waving arms were no longer visible. Then I turned around and walked towards my seat, leaving the confined behind and letting my heart guide me.